image: NormalJean on Flickr.com

Last night the girls of Rate Hub Canada tweeted me this article entitled, Twitter Romance: Don’t Tweet Where You Eat by Nando Rodriguez.  The article suggests that we all refrain from using twitter as a dating device – be it to plan a sexual rendezvous (the twitter sleaze); to get your twitter lover where it hurts after you find him tweeting another woman (the revenge tweet); or to tell the whole world how much your lover boy floats your boat, and what he made you for breakfast, and then for lunch, and then midnight snack-ee-poo my little corn on the cob xoxoxoxoxo (the PDA tweet or the Public Display of Twitter, as Nando coins). And where some of his advice has currency in light of social media standing-in as just another sex playground (the relationship status is there for a reason, people) I don’t think his argument has any twitter-specific relevancy. Not to be lewd but after reading Nando’s rant I thought of a rebuttal beginning with something like… “It’s a free world and we all fuck. Get over it”.

Get over it, Nando. Sex, love and whipped cream will always be in our culture as sure as we continue to be born with working sexual organs. (Besides we are living in the most sexual un-repressive society since ancient Greece. Gays can get married. Woman can go topless. You can have sex on the first date! Hallelujah, praise the lord!). Some people choose to keep their eros on the D-L – others will broadcast it in any way possible. I don’t think people are using twitter SPECIFICALLY to find love; twitter has become just another one of those million avenues where people have the freedom to say and do whatever they want, and sometimes, they will do and say things that are a little sexy. We’re human, after all. That Harry, the top executive at XYZ marketing, should lose his reputation as a marketing guru (or that this rep will take second place to his love affairs – how can one actually measure that, Nando) once he tweets about a muzzler, some whipped cream, his place – is plain old BULLSHIT. I could start naming a few popular folks who have been just fine after exposing their predilection for a muzzler, or blow jobs. Bill Clinton still appears at important functions, he hasn’t been completely chastised. Besides, what’s worse? Monica Lewinsky or not being able to get your country out of debt?

Plain and simple, to have everyone living under the impression that nobody fucks is equivalent to religious fanaticism. Since when did there EVER exist a place in the world where everyone was on their best behaviour? Really? Is Nando suggesting a platonic Twitter utopia where we’re all just business? GET REAL. And besides, if you don’t like reading romantic tweets between lovers you can always just “unfollow”. I hate to say this but Nando sounds like one of those crybaby singles who have to shit on romance because they can’t seem to find someone who can stand their post-nasal drip and predilection for being right, nomatterwhat. If you’re single by choice then romance really shouldn’t bother you one bit. I’m vegan by choice, that other people eat meat doesn’t bother me – of course I know my way is better, for me, but aggressively judging others is just a bad move in life, in general.

Oh so we shouldn’t shit where we eat, right? Well, if your romantic life is something you can’t control you will get into trouble whether it’s on twitter, or Facebook, the front page of the newspaper, or your best friend’s backyard. If you’re a person who attracts drama and just can’t stop playin’ dem hoes then guess what, you don’t need twitter to cause your demise. A sleaze on twitter is probably a sleaze in real life. And not for anything, I’d rather know the truth about someone than be fed a sugar-coated lie in 140 characters. Since when are we OK with facades, anyway?

Nando, go back to 1950. You’re the kind of person who would support the Hays Code and repressing homosexuality because the big law firm won’t hire you unless you display overtly straight tendencies. Are we really in the mood to perpetuate this sort of thinking?

Here’s a fun fact about Nando. He uses twitter and the web to give people relationship advice. Cue his twitter bio:

“New York City dating/sex/relationship writer and web personality–conquering the world–one sexy blog and video at a time”.

Really? We’re going to listen to YOU about keeping it clean on twitter when your entire career is based on using social media to tell people who they should date and how to improve their sex lives? I guess tweeting “I didn’t know if my boyfriend was cheating on me but thanks to @Nandoism’s advice I was able to determine his fidelity” would be totally wrong. Right, Nando?

Listen, I’m not going to bash Nando anymore, as fun as it is. Thinking before you write, considering the antithesis to your argument – this sort of stuff doesn’t factor into some of the garbage we find online these days and hence, you make yourself prey to rebuttals such as this one. Yeah, I have a boyfriend. Yeah, sometimes I mention him on my blog. Yeah, sometimes he tweets at me and I at him. But we aren’t the kind of people you will find making out in line at Starbucks and so, our tweets mirror our relationship. If we were the PDA type, though, why be ashamed? What? People aren’t going to buy real estate from him because he has a heart? I highly doubt that. And besides, if he wanted his twitter account to be less human the possibility to have MORE THAN ONE ACCOUNT would be a great solution for him. One for business, one for pleasure.

But I tend to think our innate curiosity as human beings makes knowing something about the personal life of your realtor or favourite movie star, an alluring prospect. How do you think celebrity even came to be a thing? Why do we like Kim Kardashian more after we saw her wedding photos? Why do people line up in front of Sassafraz during TIFF to catch a glimpse of Brad Pitt? It’s about having access to the private and personal aspect of something or someone who has a public image to maintain. And lastly, if we didn’t care so much about what and who other people are doing – we’d all be on Linkedin.

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